DR. LARRY FALLS SPECIALIST IN GENDER AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH HIGH STANDARDS- STRICT CODE OF ETHICS
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Coping with mental illness in a spouse

Mental illness can be hard on a relationship, but it does not have to destroy a marriage.  In some cases the stress may lead to a crisis level where you fall into a pattern where managing the illness becomes a role around which the relationship is centered.  In spite of the challenges, there are ways to maintain a healthy relationship. 
​For a newly diagnosed person, the news can be devastating, embarrassing, and even freighting. The uncertainty and stigma associated with mental illness can cause sufferers to worry that you may not love or desire them, or may no longer want to be married to them. It is important to let your spouse know that you are there for and love him/her.  This reassurance will go a long way toward strengthening his/her determination to get professional help and learn the best ways to manage the illness. On the other hand, a negative reaction  from you can potentially exacerbate symptoms of the illness and bring on additional feelings of hopelessness. 
​Education in understanding mental illness is important. There is a lot of inaccurate information that gives deceptive treatment options for various mental health disorders. The best plan of action is to seek help from registered psychological and medical professionals who can help you get the right information and treatment. 
​Do not become his/her therapist or enabler. It is not your responsibility to become your spouse's therapist.  It will not work in the long term for either of you. Trying to be a therapist to your spouse is inappropriate, even if you are a trained mental health professional. Let go and let the professionals outside your relationship do their job with your spouse. Your role is to provide love, support, empathy. 
​Those with mental illness are still responsible for taking the steps to manage their own illness (as much as possible). Being an enabler will take away their ability to learn responsibility and self-care, as well as how their illness will affect you and others
Practice  self-care regularly
​Therapy can help you process your feelings in a healthy way to communicate with your partner. As a spouse of someone with a mental health condition, it is not unusual to experience a range of emotions that you think you should not be having. Emotional exhaustion is common and can be explored in a productive  way with a counselor. Self-care is not selfish. It is a necessity if you have a spouse with mental health problems. Being unable of taking care of yourself means you will not be able to take care of others. 
Go back to the basics: Get enough sleep
​                                    Regular physical activity
​                                    Healthy diet
                                    Spend time with friends or family
​                                    Engage in activities or hobbies you enjoy
​Be careful about getting to the point where you experience "caregiver fatigue" or burn-out. It is critical  to take care of your own health first.
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